Trumplandia: Oct. 13 — 20, 2018

THE SHINBONE STAR

For the Love of Money Edition

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APPROVAL ALERT AT PRESS TIME:
Gallup Poll: 44% — up from 43% last week
Rasmussen Poll: 47% — down from 49% last week

Welcome to Trumplandia, a place where with a bit of wit and snark, we keep the world caught up on all of the tasty Nuggets-O-Trump you may have heard about but were too busy to care. Because most of this minutia occurs just below the massive headlines about the POTUS, it’s in a land of its own. Here, an infusion of social media, video clips and print media meld with our outdated political views to make more delicious “Fake News” about our Commander-in-Chief.

So just like the president, we start it all with a little tweet like this:

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Oh Ivanka, How I Love You

THE SHINBONE STAR

Daddy. Oh Daddy!

A colleague at The Shinbone Star recently shared a Omarosa Manigault Newman story that the fiery street fighter herself shared with several TV personalities about Donald Trump’s odd relationship with daughter Ivanka.  It may already be in her book.

In this chapter of the Ode to Omarosa’s Gall, we find Donald Trump in the White House acting like a pervert who fondles the mother of his grandchildren in front of the help.

Omarosa is the former reality TV star-of-sorts who worked for Trump both on and off camera. In the White House, she was the highest ranking African-American woman before she was either asked to leave, heavily escorted out the door or dragged away kicking and screaming by Chief of Staff John Kelly, depending on which story you believe.

Omarosa told TV personality Bill Maher that Trump does everything but the horizontal mambo with Ivanka all the…

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With the Death Star in doubt, it’s time to be very afraid

They are coming.

THE SHINBONE STAR

With the ever present threat of attacks against Earth by hostile aliens every time the twit running the Trumpleforeskin movement beams an insulting tweet, now is not the time to be meddling with America’s Space Force.

The slaughter could be incalculable if Secretary of the Air Force Heather Wilson gets sacked from Space Force without ever deploying a single death star. What kind of Space Force doesn’t have a death star? Even Latvia is considering building one.

“We are going to have a Space Force,” Trump said in Washington D.C. last August amid snickers and guffaws by his generals. “An Air Force and a Space Force. Separate, but equal.”

It is reported in some circles that Wilson not only doesn’t have a death star, she doesn’t even want one. She thinks Space Force is stupid, duplicitous and costs too much. Her job is administering the largest air force in the…

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The Young and the Beautiful: Escape to New York

Good one, can’t wait for next installment.

THE SHINBONE STAR

— REUTERS/Carlos Barria

It’s been a while since we heard from our Young and Beautiful couple, Jerry and Ivy. Despite rumors that Ivy was not happy that her father chose Beer Bong Brett to serve on the Supreme Tribunal, she kept her silence and stayed out of the spotlight while Lady Melania went to Africa to play Rich White Lady. But recent developments may thrust Ivy onto the world stage. Let us eavesdrop on our golden couple, who have finally left the Scott Pruitt Soundproof Room to accept a message from a Royal Courier.

logoIvy: Thank heaven we’re finally out of that damn soundproof room. I don’t understand why Daddy wouldn’t let me go to the hearings for Beer Bong Brett. It’s not like I’d go into a room alone with him. You didn’t go to any of those wild parties when you were at Harvard, did you?

logoJerry: Of…

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Don’t Make Brett Kavanaugh The Poster Boy For Ignominious Defeat

Darn right

THE SHINBONE STAR

To keep kicking the Kavanaugh can down the road is just what President Donald Trump’s emerging November election game plan has in mind.

It is doubtful he had a plan before Kavanaugh was nominated. For the first time in Trump’s administration he seemed flummoxed when brave women came forward to tell their stories. He actually kept his abrasive mouth shut until Kavanaugh’s appointment was assured. You better believe that somebody told him to chill, he really isn’t that bright.

And that’s why it is best to let the Kavanaugh matter go. The Republicans seem to have a functional plan. They know nothing reinforces defeat like crying over spilled milk, especially when it’s a knee-jerk reaction to never having a chance to win in the first place. Kavanaugh’s appointment does just that.

Trump doesn’t know much, but he knows street fighting and the Democrats don’t. The nomination process was like watching…

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Scary times indeed, Mr. Trump

THE SHINBONE STAR

Women’s march in Washington D.C., 2017. — Carolyn Cole/Los Angeles Times/TNS

Dear Mr. Trump: (Sorry if I offend you by not addressing you as president, but I’m pretty sure you’re not even a reasonable facsimile.)

I heard you on the TV the other day saying how it’s a “scary time to be a young man in America” and I was thinking to myself, “fake news!” It’s always a good time to be a man in America! And then I scolded myself for being so dismissive of your great words and decided to re-educate myself.

As I was surfing the world wide web, I came across so many facts. Like, how degrading it must have been to work and not keep your earnings or to never be able to have property you owned in your name. That is, until 1839 when you were able to finally have that property title in your name…

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The sad truth: Republicans just don’t care about attempted rape

THE SHINBONE STAR

Sen. Lindsey Graham launches into a tirade against Democrats while announcing his support for a man accused of attempted rape. — WIN MCNAMEE/GETTY IMAGE

A seat on the the United States Supreme Court has never been an elected position — until now.

Maybe you’ve been in a coma or sequestered in a cave for the last month or so, but there’s a fierce battle going on for Judge Brett Kavanaugh to be elected to the court. A seat on the Supreme Court has historically been a lifetime appointment after confirmation by the Senate. No longer.

When Dr. Christine Blasey Ford courageously stepped forward despite harassment and death threats to tell the world that Kavanaugh tried to rape her at a party when both were teenagers, the political scene became polarized.

Hell, those cavalier Republican men on the Senate Judiciary Committee even agreed to bring in — GASP — a woman…

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Kavanaugh Is Not Fit To Be On A Supreme Court Because Of What He Didn’t Do

Should come out in wash today

THE SHINBONE STAR

On Tuesday a pampered, hugely advantaged and once beloved 81-year-old black man went to jail for 3-10 years for a crime he undoubtedly committed 14 years ago, and perhaps 60 or more equally appalling offenses that escaped judgment since he grabbed the golden ring, the prosecutors said.

Former comedian and America’s marvelous TV dad Bill Cosby will spend what is perhaps the balance of his life in a Pennsylvania prison cell paying off his sentence for drugging and sexually abusing women for a hobby.

Thursday morning a privileged, white Maryland federal appeals court judge born with a silver spoon embedded in his psyche goes to a mock trial before the Republican-controlled judiciary committee of the U.S. Senate for committing an alleged high school sexual assault and an alleged prurient exposure offense while at Yale University during periods of acute alcohol inebriation. His character is on trial. Potential Supreme Court justices…

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Trump’s Tryst With His Russian Buddy Is Suddenly Very Revealing

THE SHINBONE STAR

One has to hand it to ol’ Trumpleforeskin for his foresight. This week the besieged buffoon revealed he hasn’t even read the ultra-sensitive Russian intelligence documents he ordered the Justice Department to declassify. Even though officials at Justice finally prevailed and Trump finally agreed to walk back the request, who would have believed such willingness to show his Russian buddies how we steal all their secrets?

LogoThe activities of disgraced national security adviser Michael Flynn, the mysterious Carter Page, fired FBI agent and Trump piñata Peter Strzok, and obscure FBI agent and Russian expert Bruce Ohr, will be revealed if the intelligence community actually bows to Trump’s ludicrous demands. Trump, ever so callous, thinks the revelations will exonerate him of alleged collusion with the Russians.

It’s entirely possible Trump is tearing a page from Bob Woodward’s book, “Fear: Trump In The White House,” the former Washington Post reporter’s blockbuster account…

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Could Jack Ryan Save Us From Ourselves?

THE SHINBONE STAR

Put a Tom Clancy twist on the sordid tale coming out of the White House and it smells strongly of malodorous intrigue.

Is the upheaval in the White House a coup-that-wasn’t or a quiet-rebellion-that-is? Clancy would ask why it isn’t apparent that something rather than someone is trying to usurp the power of the presidency.

Conventional wisdom suggests that no person or even a small group of malcontents can successfully take over the reins of leadership without being exposed, so what about this time?  Easy! Sometimes reality trumps fiction but never Clancy’s heroic character, the unflappable Jack Ryan.

What a cabal he’d face! In our Clancyesque tale, a band of dispirited Executive Branch power players is joined by members of a shat-upon federal bureaucracy, along with the combined might of select media chiefs and politicians, all ignoring the Constitution in their efforts to derail a madman, himself no stranger to…

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