The Donald’s ‘Cowboys’ Include Doctors and Lawyers and Such

THE SHINBONE STAR

Editor’s note: The conversations featured here are the product of the author’s memory, with the intent of preserving long-held friendships with people he hopes will regain their mental equilibrium once The Donald and his cohorts vacate the White House.

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They didn’t grow up to be cowboys, thanks in large part to their mamas. They were doctors and lawyers and such, as Waylon and Willie sang about decades ago. Others were once bankers or government workers in some of the more difficult administrative jobs on the federal, state and local level.

These are my friends and family members from more than 50 years spent grinding out a paycheck in stops ranging from Delaware to Texas. People I grew to respect for many reasons as we confronted the challenges of making ends meet, raising and supporting families, and finding time to share a few beach encounters along the way…

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Is Ellen the anti-Trump?

THE SHINBONE STAR

Ellen DeGeneres, left, with wife Portia de Rossi. — Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

A year-old tweet by Eric Trump has recently made the rounds on Facebook for some reason. In it, he posited that Ellen DeGeneres is part of the “Deep State” that is looking to overthrow his father’s administration.

It seems he drew this conclusion when Twitter suggested that he follow DeGeneres, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. In true conspiracy-theory fashion, Eric sussed out a connection.

DeGeneres, of course, denied it, calling Eric’s accusation “the craziest thing” on her syndicated talk show. But maybe it’s not as crazy as it seems. Oh, she seems genial and harmless enough, and you’d think the talk show host/comedian would be busy enough without having the time to plot a coup.

But think about it: Ellen just might be the anti-Trump. She’s a liberal and a lesbian, two things that Trump’s base abhors. But apart from that…

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Marsha Still Hates His Lips

THE SHINBONE STAR

For Trump, tonight’s address to the nation was about everything but a wall. For the Democrats it was about obstinance, unreasonableness and lying. What it wasn’t about was a flat rejection by either side for the proposals of the other.

Somebody really smart got to Trump. He is too pig headed to listen to people who know more about many things than he does otherwise. The fact that he mentioned the so-called “Wall” last, after a recitation of horrors designed to set the mood, suggests he is ready to abandon his lost cause by transforming it into another manufactured crisis waiting in the wings.

The Dems, on the other hand, with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca.) and Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) so somber at the podium, looked like they were offering a requiem for a pathetic soul who had died unloved and soon to be forgotten in their…

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Being a bonehead doesn’t make you a general

Thoughts on Mattis

THE SHINBONE STAR

James Mattis, a retired general.

Whether or not one agrees that Mr. Trump is a moron, nobody is arguing that he isn’t a bonehead.

There is a distinction. A moron has no control over his impulses, fails to comprehend the simplest principles, offers loyalty only to himself. A bonehead, on the other, hand simply ignores the learned advice of his betters because a bonehead is by nature an arrogant asshole.

Donald Trump, bonehead and commander in chief.

In the instant case, Captain Bone Spurs Trump, leader of the armies of totalitarian democracy, thinks he knows more about the brittle, always dynamic Middle East and Syria than Secretary of Defense James N. Mattis and Brett McGurk, Special Presidential Envoy for the Global Coalition to Counter ISIL. McGurk authored the war-fighting policies in the region and Mattis’ generals implemented them.

Mattis rose to fame crushing Al-Qaeda in Fallujah, Iraq, in November 2004…

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Trumplandia: Dec. 15 — 22, 2018

THE SHINBONE STAR

A Christmas Carol Edition

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APPROVAL ALERT AT PRESS TIME:
Gallup Poll: 38% — down from 40% last week
Rasmussen Poll: 49% — up from 48% last week

Welcome to Trumplandia, a place where with a bit of wit and snark, we keep the world caught up on all of the tasty Nuggets-O-Trump you may have heard about but were too busy to care. Because most of this minutia occurs just below the massive headlines about the POTUS, it’s in a land of its own. Here, an infusion of social media, video clips and print media meld with our outdated political views to make more delicious “Fake News” about our Commander-in-Chief.

So just like the president, we start it all with a little tweet like this:

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Death on the Border

So sad, So unnecessary

THE SHINBONE STAR

— Glenn Redus/The Shinbone Star

Like many Americans, I don’t know a lot about Guatemala. Of course there’s this fine cup of coffee I’m sipping, freshly ground beans from Guatemala that had less trouble crossing the border than some 7-year-old girl who had to die to get my attention.

Fact is, I don’t know a lot about Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica nor any other spot in Central America that most of us north of the Rio Grande couldn’t correctly label on a geography quiz.

I’m pretty sure Donald Trump and his disciples have labeled them all “shithole countries,” but beyond that, I don’t have much knowledge other than the apparent need for a big, beautiful wall to keep people like Jakelin Caal and her “irresponsible,” father out.

A couple of days ago on one of the Sunday morning news shows, I watched as White House Senior Policy Adviser…

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The Strange Tale of ‘Coffee Boy George’ Part 2: Percolation

Another good one in the sage of Coffeeboy

THE SHINBONE STAR

When we last saw our “hero,” George Papadopoulos, he was entering the federal prison camp in Oxford, Wisconsin for a two week stretch. However, Prisoner #91344-083 has now been released from the FCI Oxford “medium security federal correctional institution,” according to the BOP website.

The pre-prison Papadopoulos went in protesting right up until the bars slammed shut. Pinched for lying to the FBI, the coffee boy/foreign adviser to the Trump 2016 campaign fancied himself an American hero.

In fact, the office of Special Counsel Robert Mueller said Papadopoulos undermined their investigation and slowed it down. They said Georgie along with his wife, an Italian attorney had lied, thus necessitating jail time for him.

However, for Papadopoulos, a true believer, the special counsel probe is a nothing but a witch hunt against Trump, a byproduct of the deep state left over from the last administration.

Just prior to his incarceration, Papadopoulos led…

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America’s ID? Part 2

Sadly so true. Hate and God make strange bedfellows.

THE SHINBONE STAR

Editor’s Note: This is Part 2 of a series about America’s xenophobic soul. If you missed Part 1, follow THIS LINK

The first time I realized that an entirely separate world existed within our nation was a hot, humid and stanky night somewhere in the Virginia mountains. I was headed to my college campus. It was close to 2 a.m. and I was going out of my mind because I had no tunes after the theft of my under-dash cassette deck (installed with my late pal, Ralph Ippolito). Trying to find something to listen to on AM radio in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere was mind-numbing.

Then I hit on a signal, a very strong signal, and a voice boomed out of the dark: “. . . and this is why we have to thank ALL MIGHTEE GAWD for giving us the Holy Nuclear Weapons that…

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Order now! Trump’s Greatest Hits!

Don’t miss Donnie Trumps greatest hits, available now.

THE SHINBONE STAR

— Skye Hunter/The Shinbone Star

For the first time anywhere, Fox News and K-Tel present the Donald-you-all-know-and-love in a new compilation of Trump’s Greatest Hits.

Yes, such crowd pleasers as “Crooked Hillary,” “MAGA” and “Build the Wall” are available for the first time on CD, vinyl and 8-track for those of you who insist on living in the past.

And of course, there are other unforgettable refrains, like the ever-popular “End the Witch Hunt,” “The Press Is the Enemy” and “A Caravan of Killer Babies Is Coming to Rape You.”

In addition to these fan favorites, you’ll find new material, including “Baby It’s Cold Outside (So there’s obviously no global warming)” and “This Thanksgiving I’m Thankful for Me.”

Order now, and you’ll receive a bonus disc of cover versions, performed as only Donnie can do them.

You’ve never heard “Stormy,” “Liar Liar,” “I’m Dreaming of An All White Christmas” or…

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The Young and the Beautiful: Thanksgiving Edition — You’re All Served

The saga continues… bring hankie or long knife… target rich back stabbing environment.

THE SHINBONE STAR

Our Young and Beautiful couple, Ivy and Jerry, are still mired in the swamp, despite their attempts to escape back to the fabled Isle of Manhattan. Today we catch up with them in their tastefully decorated home within a few miles of the White Palace, where Ivy’s father, King Donald I, continues with his reign of terror. Ivy is seated at a French Provincial desk, frowning over a chessboard and some menus. On closer look, we see that the chess pieces each bear the name and likeness of a member of Ivy’s family. Enter Jerry.

logologoJerry: Why so lost in thought, my harvest princess? I thought you gave up your schmata business, and yet I see your worktable is covered with papers.
Ivy: This is not for any business venture. I am planning the Thanksgiving Feast for my father at the White Palace.
Jerry: If I may be permitted a…

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