When you’re out of toilet paper, you’re out of everything

THE SHINBONE STAR

Two events of momentous significance occurred yesterday.

The first was the signing of the so-called Tax Cut and Jobs Act which must change its name to something equally banal to satisfy Senate rules. Perhaps naming it “The Plundering Tax and Screw Job Plan” is more appropriate.

The second event was a wonderful commentary on the mindset of ordinary people. It was revealed when my wife exclaimed that our order for two rolls of  two-ply toilet paper bearing Donald Trump’s picture had been canceled due to huge demand.

The first event has been adequately covered by everyone looking for something to despise over the Christmas holidays. Merry Christmas, suckers.

The second event is actually good news. It means there is no shortage of people who hate Trump so much that they want to clean their bottoms with his face. They despise him so much, in fact, that they exhausted the supply of…

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Trump Is Indisputably the P.T. Barnum of American Politics

THE SHINBONE STAR

Donald J. Trump is the undisputed P.T. Barnum of American politics.

Mr. Barnum — who died in 1891 — was an American politician, showman, and businessman remembered for promoting celebrated hoaxes and for founding the Barnum & Bailey Circus. In describing his persona, Mr. Barnum reportedly said: “I am a showman by profession . . . and all the gilding shall make nothing else of me.” His personal aim was “to put money in my coffers.” He is widely, but erroneously, credited with coining the phrase “There’s a sucker born every minute”

Could it be that Trump authored that “sucker born” comment in his widely read and frequently quoted biography “Art of the Deal?”

What earns Trump the “greatest showman” title so proudly worn by Barnum? Start with a lengthy stint as a reality television program star where he got to “fire” folks each week, which brought him millions of…

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After palpable relief, then what

THE SHINBONE STAR

I begin with an apology.

My son was in high school, and among his college considerations was the University of Alabama. I said then that my son, a bandsman, would make a good addition to that fine program and would probably be welcomed.

“You have all your own teeth, so they’ll love that,” I said, forgetting that my wife, seated next to me at the dinner table has lots of relatives in Alabama.

Anyway, I apologize. It was wrong of me to say that. Funny, but wrong.

But let’s all let bygones be bygones, at least until the next election, OK? There’s always another election, as you know.

Oh, and I might or might not have said the difference between Alabama’s rednecks and Georgia’s crackers is that the latter group moved up in the world and got snooty.

But let’s set up a few points of discussion in the aftermath…

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How low will Donald Trump go before voters say, enough!

THE SHINBONE STAR

twitTrump’s twitter has long been a liability for Republicans.

Despite the flurry of accusations and insults, they didn’t go far enough.

Here’s how it went down:

A president who would all but call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand a whore is not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library or to shine the shoes of George W. Bush. — The Editorial Board, USA Today, December 12, 2017

So if you were distracted Tuesday by child molesters (convicted felon and former Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert barred from contact with minors), accused child molesters (failed Senate candidate and sore loser Roy Moore of Alabama), Republican promises to lower taxes to the middle class (they won’t) and the Russia-Trump election scandal (Putin did it), you may have missed something very important.

The president of the United States, impersonated by Donald Trump, accused New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand of prostituting…

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A day of reckoning in Alabama and America

THE SHINBONE STAR

–Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

Today in Alabama, voters go to the polls to decide who will be their next U.S. senator.

And I thought this would be an easy little piece to pump out.

I want the Alabamians to do the right thing, but I just don’t believe they have it in them. Recent polling indicates that white voters are solidly in the camp of Judge Roy Moore, a known political demagogue, twice-impeached state supreme court justice, and many times accused of attempted pedophilia. Those same polls indicated that white women are also inclined to vote for Moore, which beggars belief no matter how you feel about abortion, tax law or even religion.

Apparently, these Republicans have forgotten about their little girls.

It’s hard to figure out how this is even a race anymore, especially given the statements of Republican leaders that they would kick Moore out of the Senate if he’s…

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Fighting For Peace Is Too Expensive

THE SHINBONE STAR

Seven generations of young Americans have marched off to war since World War II ended in September 1945. Everyone who came home was grateful. Some also came home old men. More were lifelong cynics filled with disgust over what they’d done in the name of freedom and humanity. Too many came home in a box. Some even killed themselves, many at Christmastime.

The only thing that really changed about military suicide since 1945 is the number of veterans who die by their own hand. Endless years of both low- and high-intensity conflict without an endgame has produced more veterans committing suicide at a faster clip than all the other “at-risk” groups combined. That is a hell of a thing to be best at.

In response, last week Mr. Trump’s administration tried to kill a modest program to ease homelessness among veterans. Homelessness, helplessness, and suicide ride the same train. The Mango Muffin’s Veteran’s…

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Ripe with stupid, Trump threatens Mideast stability

THE SHINBONE STAR

— SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images

To discover what is going on in the world, looking in the horse’s mouth is a good place to start. The horse’s mouth in this case is the Jerusalem Post, an English-language Israeli newspaper published from the heart of the Middle East’s soul.

The Post says that Hamas — an acronym for the Islamic Resistance Movement — is demanding a response to Mr. Trump’s unilateral decision to upend politics as usual in the Middle East by moving the U.S. embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, spiritual home for three of the world’s most prolific religions. Hamas called for shunning American interests in Palestine in addition to promoting “three days of rage.”

Probably because Trumpites had been bloviating all day Tuesday, the Palestinians were all in a lather by the time Trump made his historic announcement. Even before the Mango Muffin opened his pie hole with…

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God reveals that the GOP is the only safe harbor for Christians

THE SHINBONE STAR

A good Christian boy prepares to graduate from Liberty University.

The $1.45 trillion deficit-producing tax plan hovering over Americans will remain in jeopardy until Republicans succeed in ramming it through the congressional orifice. Republican leadership has been passing out juicy enticements to the few remaining skeptics who have not shown the slightest concern for their constituents.

In that steamy atmosphere, The Shinbone Star used a chance encounter to question a Republican lawyer, political activist and lifelong religious conservative about his undergraduate education at arch-conservative Liberty University. It’s just the stuff for Sunday fare.

Last May at Liberty, Mr. Trump chortled that his presidency was firmly behind the tax-free, billion-dollar shrine to neo-conservative religious thought. Trump’s stirring pronouncement was offered during his commencement speech at the university’s Lynchburg, Va. campus:

“Liberty University is a place where they really have true champions and you have a simple creed that you live by, to be, really, champions…

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Republican tax bill steals from the poor, gives to Donald and billionaire friends

THE SHINBONE STAR

taxsss

The so-called tax reform bill is not yet a done deal. That’s good, because it doesn’t reform anything and it’s not just about taxes.

The Senate passed its version of the bill about 2 a.m. Saturday, just hours after it was printed, meaning lawmakers didn’t have time to read the bill before they voted on it. Major differences between this bill and a House-passed version go to conference committee before a final version can be sent to the president’s desk.

But as usual, things can get screwy when Donald Trump gets involved. He indicated just hours after the vote that he may change his mind on the new proposed corporate tax rate. That’s right, Trump wanted to change his mind on a bill that just passed. If we thought Senate Leader Mitch McConnell was a good, well-intentioned lawmaker, we might feel sorry for him. But he’s not, and we’re not.

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Trump behaved badly. So why isn’t he being held accountable?

THE SHINBONE STAR

President Trump creepily grabs the hand of Brigitte Macron, wife of the French president, while checking her out.

At the risk of beating a comatose horse, let it just be said that I for one am getting kind of tired of the whole sexual harassment fiasco. The #metoo movement (which I joined several weeks ago) is already getting old for me.

Let’s get this straight: Women have been sexually harassed ever since they stepped across the doorstep of any office building, any business, any establishment, any job. It used to be expected for men to flirt with waitresses, for instance. And the waitresses had to go along with it, it was their job, it was understood, unless they were mavericks.

So now, is “oh, you look nice today!” a term of sexual harassment, for any sex? If so, women need to step up at this point. They need to draw…

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