A Great Stinking Wind Is Stirring

THE SHINBONE STAR

White House, Washington, D.C. — Ersatz Commander-in-Chief Donald Trump joined legendary World War II Navajo code talkers yesterday to insult them and find out whether they can help him with some personal matters. Five sources who were in the Oval Office told The Shinbone Star that the Mango Marauder was talking about uncontrollable flatulence.

“I know you guys can make the wind talk,” Mr. Trump reportedly told the confused warriors. “I saw what you did in a really great movie, “Windtalkers,” which I think it was about Vietnam, but maybe it was one of those other Pacific paradises you guys fought at before I was even a stain on the mattress cover. Maybe Rocket Man starred in it. Great job by the way, did you guys kill anyone? My war was against venereal disease. If you ever get it, you won’t think it’s so funny.

“Anyway, to be honest — and I’m…

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Reprieved Turkey Demands Execution of Sentence

THE SHINBONE STAR

President Trump pardons Drumstick the turkey after Wishbone the turkey escaped having her giblets groped by the president.

White House, Washington, D.C. — A reprieved turkey named Wishbone reportedly tweeted the Turkey-In-Chief that she wanted to die just hours before disappearing. The aggrieved turkey was demanding a kinder fate than letting Mr. Trump put his tiny hands all over its breasts and thighs.

Within hours of the pleading tweet, the unserved entrée disappeared, leaving behind a few plucked feathers and a bloodstained note FBI agents are currently examining.

“Feeling me up like livestock ain’t making it anymore,” the note said in barely legible hen scratch.

Two congressional committees and the Department of Justice Special Prosecutors Office are demanding copies of Wishbone’s final missive.

The note is an apparent reference to Honest and Abe,  two turkeys pardoned by former President Barack Obama in 2015. Those birds are now leading pampered lives in Virginia.

The turkey sharing a…

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It’s a dog’s world in Alabama

THE SHINBONE STAR

rollcallSenate candidate Roy Moore and wife Kayla tussle over her pistol at a recent ceremony. Kayla has asked her Facebook friends to report any contact  by the news media. (Photo by Roll Call)

The burgeoning #MeToo Movement sweeping Hollywood, New York, Washington and obscure places south has really taken hold. My little Frenchy, Millie, turned a cold shoulder to Elmer the Beagle this morning. Elmer is a leg hound from the country with no couth.

Until now Millie never seemed bothered by his boorish, oft’ disgusting behavior. When he annoyed her, she bit him. When a more aggressive little pampered pooh-pooh annoyed her, Mildred — that’s her given name — dragged him around the back yard by his face until he was rescued. That rash little fellow never bothered her again. There is a lesson there.

Millie’s agitation had been building since she began watching hours and hours of CNN…

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Groping is not a thrill, when you’re the gropee

THE SHINBONE STAR

bushGeorge H. W. Bush has apologized after seven women accused him of groping their asses.

Blowback has already set in regarding the “Me Too” complaints of women who have reported unwanted sexual advances or harassment. And like everything else we eat, sleep, drink or think these days, it’s become divided on political lines.

We want to make a couple of quick observations. First, it took a male journalist to call attention to this story in the mainstream newsfeed. And secondly, it runs the risk of becoming a Flavor of the Month topic with much hullabaloo now, and nothing later in terms of real change. The girl who cried wolf runs the risk of being ignored.

The question now before the nation is, if Democratic Sen. Al Franken is forced to resign because of a vindicate hard kiss to the mouth and an adolescent groping photo, should Republican at-the-moment Donald Trump…

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Franken’s actions a chance for Republicans to play hypocrite

THE SHINBONE STAR

In this image provided by the U.S. Army, then-comedian Al Franken and sports commentator Leeann Tweeden perform a comic skit for service members during a USO visit to Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, in 2006. — Photo: Staff Sgt. Patrick N. Moes, AP

More than 10 women accused Donald J. Trump of sexually assaulting them over a period of years. He was captured on audio bragging about grabbing women by the genitalia and forcibly kissing them.

Even after that revelation, he was tapped by voters to occupy the Oval Office. Republican congressmen embraced him, the party embraced him.

Now those same Republicans and Trump voters are wetting themselves after Sen.Al Franken, a Minnesota Democrat, admitted to forcibly kissing and groping Leeann Tweeden in 2006 while on a USO tour. There’s also a photo of Franken, then a comedian, posing with his hands on Tweeden’s breasts as she slept.

Franken has apologized, yet Republicans are…

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Trump’s multiple personality disorder is gonna get us killed

THE SHINBONE STAR

Who can forget those badge-heavy rascals Starsky & Hutch vigorously inflicting their unique good cop/bad cop routine on the neighborhood dope dealers; alternating bouts of endearment and tough love upside the head until they saw the light?

It’s a classic formula: two cops, extremely different personalities, coming together for a common goal. Sort of like Mr. Trump and his covetous Gang of Four.

Thanks to his cranial collection of competing personalities, Mr. Trump is the first President able to try the  good cop/bad cop routine solo. The Marmalade Muffin is so adept at being several morons simultaneously that he’s angered confused and befuddled most of the world’s great minds. Not even koi are immune.

Last week, in response to a Rocket Man trash bash, Mr. Trump claimed he would never call Kim “short and fat” before blowing him away.

“Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend — and maybe someday that will happen!” The epitome of a…

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Defiant candidate Moore maintains support from twisted religious

THE SHINBONE STAR

Candidate Roy Moore whips out his little gun, something he apparently has been trying to do since he was a 32-year-old district attorney in Alabama.

“If true . . .” is the Republican denial mantra in defense of accused pedophile Roy Moore, a former state judge running for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of Alabama.

Leigh Corf­man said she was 14 when Moore initiated a sexual encounter with her. Moore, his wife and Republicans everywhere are beside themselves, of course.

The age of consent in Alabama is 16, so having sex with an underage girl would certainly qualify Moore as a pedophile. Shown by articles of the Code of Alabama: 13A-6-70: (c) A person is deemed incapable of consent if he/she is less than 16 years old. A person commits the crime of sexual abuse in the second degree if, He, being 19 years old or older, subjects another…

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Pedophilia goes so much better with a shot of caffeine

THE SHINBONE STAR

Over a cup of joe fresh from my Keurig this morning, I joined the neighbors musing over Sean Hannity’s recent yap session about alleged pedophile and Christian icon Judge Roy Moore. Hiz Honor denies hanging out at high school football games and malls trolling for lovely children. Sean believes him, and so do a lot of unabashed Christians, some of them living in my white bread, golf cart heaven of a neighborhood.

The discussion focused on USA Today’s report that conservatives are destroying their Keurigs after the coffee giant decided to pull its advertising from Sean Hannity’s show over his lenient view of the allegations that are currently singeing Moore’s pious soul, exposing the blackness of his heart.

Without morning coffee the stakes rose higher. Morning chitchat with the Guns & Jesus set can get testy when folks haven’t had their morning shot of caffeine, and I don’t even live in Alabama. Might be best to not…

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What happened to separation of church and state? Trump happened

THE SHINBONE STAR

pray Photo: The Christian Post

Thomas Paine, author of the revolution-raising pamphlet Common Sense and beloved rabble-rouser in the American colonies’ fight for independence, was what modern Republican sockpuppets would call a flaming libtard.

Thomas Jefferson believed “religion is a matter which lies solely between a Man and his God.” George Washington’s swearing-in was delayed while court officers searched, at a last-minute thought, for a Bible. Vermont patriot Ethan Allen was a deist.

“My own mind is my own church,” Paine, the freedom-loving political writer said. “All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.”

As far as the Founding Fathers were concerned, there is no one religion to rule them, one religion to bind them to a monotheist spiritual belief. When they conceived the United States, Jefferson and others…

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Time for Moore to zip it up and go away

THE SHINBONE STAR

royTV campaign ad for Moore. The “honest” label now called into question after complaints he sought out young girls for sexual pleasure.

On Friday, accused sexual predator and former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore was sharing the spotlight with the Republican semi-secret tax plan, now being torn asunder by House and Senate members squabbling over who they’re going to screw the most.

Ten thousand miles away, Mr. Trump was orchestrating a drama good enough for the 700 Club while teasing if he would reunite with Russian President Vladimir Putin at an economic summit in Da Nang, Vietnam. They finally pulled it off — in matching shirts, no less — and with any luck, Special Counsel Robert Mueller was watching.

Meanwhile in New York, the talking heads can’t decide whether stomping all over Roy Moore is more important than reporting that our Republican-led Congress intends to give all their…

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